...
I am tired.
Not in my body. And perhaps not in my mind. It is a weariness of the soul.
Long have I filled it with everything other than God. The worst is what should be, under God, the best. Adam was not wrong to be lonely. His longing for Eve (though he did not know that he longed for her) did not diminish his relationship with God. It is not that I must place my fair Eve below God, but only THROUGH God, and BY his Grace, that I might be even capable of loving her, whoever she might be.
What is evil?
I am evil. Or, at least, there is evil in me.
Evil is...serving one's self over God. Seeking for my will and not Thy Will, to be done.
I am very good...
...at serving my will.
And so, even though it hurts with awful depth that I have not my Eve, I am thankful that God has, thus far, kept my wife from me. For I am ever a son of the sin of Adam, and not a son of Abraham, who rejoiced to see the day of Jesus.
And you know what? He is the key. By Jesus did God turn all things, bringing so much to fruition, in the world, in mankind...in me.
I have been seeking everything other than God. And in doing so, I sought nothing, but me. I sought the satisfaction of myself, at the loss of the Will of God. When I turned my efforts from seeking God first, then did I seek in the darkness, unable to see that everything I attempted to fill my great gaping lack with...was nothing...nothing but dust and ashes. Ashes. Ashes. Ashes.
Nothing.
And you, my love. Who I do not know. I sought you, apart from Christ. And by his great and wonderful love, he hid you... ...from me.
I would have been a terrible husband, and a negligent father. And I'm not saying that now I am better, that now I am perfect.
Now...
...I am changing. I am growing. There is a mighty breath in me, that chases away the fleeting shadows that so hallowing haunted who I was made to be.
Am I ready to meet you? Probably not.
Do I miss you? So much that, well, let's just say that I try not to think of you too much when other people are watching. Not sure I want other people to see me tear up. Just an eyelash in my eye, you know?
I want to know you. Speak your name. Learn everything there is to learn about you, and have you repeat it all, just so I can better remember, who you are, when you are, introducing me, to the me, that I am when I'm with you.
God's grace is sufficient for the both of us. And it is by his grace that I will see you someday...
Later... :)
Not in my body. And perhaps not in my mind. It is a weariness of the soul.
Long have I filled it with everything other than God. The worst is what should be, under God, the best. Adam was not wrong to be lonely. His longing for Eve (though he did not know that he longed for her) did not diminish his relationship with God. It is not that I must place my fair Eve below God, but only THROUGH God, and BY his Grace, that I might be even capable of loving her, whoever she might be.
What is evil?
I am evil. Or, at least, there is evil in me.
Evil is...serving one's self over God. Seeking for my will and not Thy Will, to be done.
I am very good...
...at serving my will.
And so, even though it hurts with awful depth that I have not my Eve, I am thankful that God has, thus far, kept my wife from me. For I am ever a son of the sin of Adam, and not a son of Abraham, who rejoiced to see the day of Jesus.
And you know what? He is the key. By Jesus did God turn all things, bringing so much to fruition, in the world, in mankind...in me.
I have been seeking everything other than God. And in doing so, I sought nothing, but me. I sought the satisfaction of myself, at the loss of the Will of God. When I turned my efforts from seeking God first, then did I seek in the darkness, unable to see that everything I attempted to fill my great gaping lack with...was nothing...nothing but dust and ashes. Ashes. Ashes. Ashes.
Nothing.
And you, my love. Who I do not know. I sought you, apart from Christ. And by his great and wonderful love, he hid you... ...from me.
I would have been a terrible husband, and a negligent father. And I'm not saying that now I am better, that now I am perfect.
Now...
...I am changing. I am growing. There is a mighty breath in me, that chases away the fleeting shadows that so hallowing haunted who I was made to be.
Am I ready to meet you? Probably not.
Do I miss you? So much that, well, let's just say that I try not to think of you too much when other people are watching. Not sure I want other people to see me tear up. Just an eyelash in my eye, you know?
I want to know you. Speak your name. Learn everything there is to learn about you, and have you repeat it all, just so I can better remember, who you are, when you are, introducing me, to the me, that I am when I'm with you.
God's grace is sufficient for the both of us. And it is by his grace that I will see you someday...
Later... :)
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