On Bridging Gaps in Blink

On Bridging Gaps in a Blink

           

            Working as a Chaplain at a hospital is many things, but of those many things, an image stands out. Imagine a child with an iPod shuffle, one of those little things that, maybe they’re not even around anymore, but you could load some songs on there and listen at your convenience. And the child is shaking it. And every time it shakes, it changes songs. In regards to interacting with other cultures, it was like a child with that iPod thing, shaking it, shuffle, shuffle, shuffle. One patient might be Jewish, the next Muslim, the next Baptist, the next Catholic, shuffle, shuffle, shuffle. Understanding how to interact with each distinct culture different from my own over a longer period of time is a journey worth taking, to be sure. But how are we to bridge cultural gaps in an amount of time that, relationally, amounts to a blink of an eye?

            The first thing to do is to read the room. Anyone with any experience with chaplaincy will know the importance of being able to do this. It is, oddly enough, very much like being a stand-up comedian, but instead of laughs, we are trying to help the patient to rest, to find comfort, to relax. It is bad enough to be in a hospital, already tense with fear, but to be in a hospital, surrounded by those of a culture different than you? Makes for a tough crowd, to be sure. So in order to make best use of my time with any patient, but especially those of other cultures I need to be able to read them quickly. Do they seem withdrawn? Afraid? Angry? Sad? Whatever little I am able to glean in those first few moments will often define how I will act for the duration of my visit.

            Speaking of the duration of my time with each patient, each visit is so often so short, that once I’ve read the room, I need to give them something that they would prefer. Having read through Dr. Gary Chapman’s The Five Love Languages, I continue to use his concept of loving others the way that they would prefer to be loved. We often love others in ways that we would prefer to be loved. This is a key component to loving patients in a hospital, whether family, friends, staff, but especially as a chaplain. So I’ve read the room, and now I’m trying to love each patient in a way that they would prefer. This often means probing a bit, asking questions and making small comments to coax the patient out into a bit of conversation, just enough to allow them to feel pursued, to feel valued. I have never had a single patient respond poorly to this, even those not interested in talking still feeling the up swell, like a wave, of being given preference. And this is difficult for many of us young, DTS trained people. We know so much that we all are tempted to control a situation, knowing the Truth, but mistaking what is meant by “in love.” And I would argue that in this case “in love” means to present as much or as little truth as each are able, like a person dying of thirst, to take in and keep down.

Each culture is vastly different in what they would prefer to be given by a chaplain. Typically, Muslims seem to appreciate calm, respect, and a bit of distance. Many of my Jewish patients have been thankful for my visit, but often quickly dismissive. I’ve had an unbelieving old cowboy invite me to sit and talk with him. Each is so different, and so often wants such different things from me, that unless I am constantly asking myself, in what way would this person prefer to be loved? I must not mistake being flexible in “how” truth is presented as compromising of “what” truth is being presented. I have, in the past year had several very intense encounters with people who could not understand why I would be so flexible in my delivery, demanding that I full-on evangelize each and every person I care for. This demand for hyper-aggressive evangelism is not of Christ, and is only a lazy, incorrect response to Paul’s “all things to all people for the Gospel” 1 Corinthians 9:19-23.

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Bringing all of this to a head, I have learned that in order to effectively bridge culture gaps in a very short amount of time you must be willing to set yourself aside and focus on the people you are interacting with. Observe them, read the room. Interact with them on their terms, and don’t make it about you. I do not think most of us would object to the concept of this. But putting these tools into practice is a different thing entirely. I am the sort of person who, according to my personality and background, am already predisposed to work this way, and yet this has been an incredibly difficult thing to embrace and do well.