soqa hn jo!
2nd Corinthians 12:9 says, "My Grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." And as I was listening to "Everthing" by Lifehouse, I was stricken by how true that verse is.
The last few days have been hard. Not in any life threatening way, but in a way that constantly pulls and tugs at me, drawing my mind from what is front of me and taking elsewhere, to worry and to wonder despite my lack of any real ability to change the circumstances I find myself in.
I need to pursue God first and foremost, and I know that I have, for the last 25 years of my life, done a poor job of it. The thing that I was made to do, to glorify, to seek, to speak to, to draw near to, to love...God, and I am so bad at it!!! How could I ever think to be anything to anyone if I cannot even do the one thing that I was most made for!
It's not just that I don't deserve all the good things that God has given me. We don't deserve our blessings, none of us. There is no one on earth who is righteous, no one who does what is right an never sins (Ecclesiastes 7:20). It's more than that. We deserve death.
I deserve death. And yet, even though I have no claim on anything other than my own death, I desire something more. I cannot say that God does this, or does not do that. I do not live by omens, but by the moving of the Spirit of God as he draws it into my heart.
I try to be cafeful, to be cautious, to get things right, but I still fail, or perhaps flounder, not sinning, but still unsure as to what I should say and what I should do. I am so hungry to be right, to find what I seek, that it hurts to feel so confused, so blind, so lost in what seems so simple to others. Sometimes I speak and later look back at what I said and feel incredibly stupid, so ignorant, far too unsure and yet far too bold.
I'm sick of living with a divided will, serving myself far more often than I serve God's. That is the definition of evil, doing your will while knowing that our will is not the will we should be following and we all know what we should be following (Romans 1:20).
I am without excuse, so what right do I have to feel bitter? to feel sad? to make any sort of lament? NONE! And yet I do feel that cold hand closing around my heart, making it hard to breathe and I know the answer to all of this...
Pray. I need to seek God, to find him in prayer, for there he will be with me and I with him. He offers me no answers, for it is not about getting answers. God is the answer. He is my answer, to all of it, to everything, all the time, everytime. God is my everything, even if often times he isn't.
Put a gun to my head and I will shout that I love him, but give me the option of whether or not to pray or sleep in for another 15 minutes and I will choose sleep.
Nothing we could ever do for God would ever be enough to earn or deserve anything. We need to get over our lack of control concerning our salvation. It's already done, and we need to get on with our lives, living, loving, experiencing and cherishing our salvation, expressing our faith through works...all in an effort to draw closer to God, which is why we were made.
I am nothing, but, by the grace of God and by his decree, I have value, and am more than I could ever dream of being without him.
Seek God, not for answers, but as the answer, to all of it...
The last few days have been hard. Not in any life threatening way, but in a way that constantly pulls and tugs at me, drawing my mind from what is front of me and taking elsewhere, to worry and to wonder despite my lack of any real ability to change the circumstances I find myself in.
I need to pursue God first and foremost, and I know that I have, for the last 25 years of my life, done a poor job of it. The thing that I was made to do, to glorify, to seek, to speak to, to draw near to, to love...God, and I am so bad at it!!! How could I ever think to be anything to anyone if I cannot even do the one thing that I was most made for!
It's not just that I don't deserve all the good things that God has given me. We don't deserve our blessings, none of us. There is no one on earth who is righteous, no one who does what is right an never sins (Ecclesiastes 7:20). It's more than that. We deserve death.
I deserve death. And yet, even though I have no claim on anything other than my own death, I desire something more. I cannot say that God does this, or does not do that. I do not live by omens, but by the moving of the Spirit of God as he draws it into my heart.
I try to be cafeful, to be cautious, to get things right, but I still fail, or perhaps flounder, not sinning, but still unsure as to what I should say and what I should do. I am so hungry to be right, to find what I seek, that it hurts to feel so confused, so blind, so lost in what seems so simple to others. Sometimes I speak and later look back at what I said and feel incredibly stupid, so ignorant, far too unsure and yet far too bold.
I'm sick of living with a divided will, serving myself far more often than I serve God's. That is the definition of evil, doing your will while knowing that our will is not the will we should be following and we all know what we should be following (Romans 1:20).
I am without excuse, so what right do I have to feel bitter? to feel sad? to make any sort of lament? NONE! And yet I do feel that cold hand closing around my heart, making it hard to breathe and I know the answer to all of this...
Pray. I need to seek God, to find him in prayer, for there he will be with me and I with him. He offers me no answers, for it is not about getting answers. God is the answer. He is my answer, to all of it, to everything, all the time, everytime. God is my everything, even if often times he isn't.
Put a gun to my head and I will shout that I love him, but give me the option of whether or not to pray or sleep in for another 15 minutes and I will choose sleep.
Nothing we could ever do for God would ever be enough to earn or deserve anything. We need to get over our lack of control concerning our salvation. It's already done, and we need to get on with our lives, living, loving, experiencing and cherishing our salvation, expressing our faith through works...all in an effort to draw closer to God, which is why we were made.
I am nothing, but, by the grace of God and by his decree, I have value, and am more than I could ever dream of being without him.
Seek God, not for answers, but as the answer, to all of it...
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